I miss it too

Ok, second time writting in this tonight but I actually have some ligit feelings now. So a friend of mine who has been in a long term relationship has decided to go on a break with her guy. And it is tearing her apart. She also has an online journal where she puts all her feelings down and reading it I completely understand where she is coming from. Reading her feelings made me realized how much I miss having those feelings. The feeling of missing someone so much you feel like you can't even breathe or you don't know how to go about your day normally because all you wanna do is think about that person or talk to that person or even tell them how much you love them even though they may not feel the same way in return. I guess I'm crazy for missing that but I do. Reading her feelings made me realize how I have shut my feelings down for a long time. That can not be healthy. So now I'm on the vurge of tears and I'm listening to my "Love is Bullshit" mix and about three seconds from making a phone call. But the difference between her and me is that although I miss that I don't wanna get back with my ex. We've changed and a lot of things have happened and neither one of us will feel right getting back together. It would be pointless, especially at this point in our lives. But sometimes when I'm with him I really think we could get back together eventually. I'm not sure how much I believe in soulmates and all that stuff but if we aren't then how else would you explain it. We are two completly different people but somehow we got together, stayed together and still come back to one another. As much as we try not to. As much as I have convinced myself that I hate him, I don't need, he's not good for me, I'll never talk to him, kiss him, call him or think about him it never works that way. I've decided a while ago to stop lying to myself. If we were to never talk again it would be because it was meant to be that way. I need to stop trying and just let the chips fall where they may. And now I'm like "well am I ever gonna have that with anyone else?" Is there someone out there who even wants to have that with me? or was that my once in a life time oppurtunity and some how I fucked it up. It couldn't have been. Not at that point in my young life. And if it is to happen again do I have to go out and look for it or should I just wait until it falls in my lap. I really don't have the answers right now. All I know is I feel her pain and I feel it even more now because of her words.

"Breakups 2 Makeup" Ashanti
I saw you again for the first time
Been a long time
It brought out all these feelings
That I never knew I had inside...
.... And I'm mad at myself cause I love you
And with or without you I'm goin through hell

I dont think that I could shake ya
So baby, can we make up
I know that this is kinda crazy
But baby, I wanna make up

I never knew I could love you
How I love you
I thought that I was through with you
So glad that I could be single

Now I'm gone thinkin bout the past
And wish that we could just go back
And I'm mad at myself cause I love you
And I really want you to come on back

I dont think that I could shake ya
So baby, can we make up
I know its kinda crazy
But baby, I wanna make up

I don't know if I'm crazy
But all the pain and the heartache you gave me
That only made me
Wanna get back with you