New Year

Before the new year I guess I had a reality check. I had a visit from one guy shortly after I had been making plans with the other guy that really matters. I feel so stupid saying that but thats just how I feel. So he came over and I really realized that I'm done. My head isn't in it anymore and its forced me to look at things spacially. Particularly behaviors and the future. The next night I went out with the one that matters. I experienced things that were truely unexpecting but were wonderful. I got a fix and was good for the next couple of days. But now I'm anticipating more of the wonderfulness that is expected in about 2 weeks. But I know how it works.....everytime I anticipate something I get disappointed. New Years was a little crazy. I saw lots of girls from the sorority and I was happy to see them. Got drunk and I haven't done that in awhile. But with the alcohol came the dialing as always. It wasn't too bad, I guess. At least I had the excuse of it being New Years. I called him a lot. I was craving to talk to him. I did for like 10 seconds when he called to wish me a Happy New Year at 2 am. I guess that was enough. I'm back to the constant middle school thinking. And I'm terrified that there's a chance he could read this. Oh god, then what. I know that in time I would LOVE to tell him how I feel but is it really that big of a surprise. People have thought I've felt this way for years. It's just that in 2 years I've never had an experience like this. It is at the top of everything. The top of every aspect or category. I think I need to shut up now in order for my brain or my heart not to explode.