What is goin on?

I haven't talk to this guy in over a month. Haven't seen him since leaving school and frankly haven't really thought about it. So now he calls me out of the blue and tells me he wants to be with me. Exclusively. What the hell is going on? I don't know what to do. I mean I do know but I don't. I don't want to be with him. If he had asked me this back in September then I would have been all over it. But now, since getting my heart broken slighty and realizing my feelings for others and the other dangerous circumstance I don't think I can go through with it. I think I'll give him the option of waiting for about a month and then if he still has the same feelings then maybe we can work something out. I mean I like him, he's still my friend I think I was just getting used to the fact that maybe there would be nothing there when we went back to school. But I guess it would be nice to have someone for me in school. I've wanted that since I was a freshmen.

The older guy has been calling me lately. He says he has or is trying to settle down and he's getting his life together. But he calls me. And I know why he's calling me. For escape. I haven't given in. I don't know why. Maybe because I started to dislike his personality behavior. Maybe because I grew up. I'm over the fantasy I made for myself.

I went out lastnight. Besides New Years Eve and seeing "the one" (hahaha) I haven't done anything. I had fun. But I realized I really want to stick to my diet and lose. I feel uncomfortable in my skin. I have for awhile. Since last summer. I know everyone does body improvements because of the New Year but I really feel like mine is different. I've been trying to improve my body for as long as I can remember and only have succeed once and now all that work has been wasted. I'm gonna get it together, I have to. I want to do it now that I'm young instead of waiting.