First Weekend

Last night was the first party night of the first week of school. And I didn't party. I went out but didn't drink, hardly danced. I really don't know why I decided to do this. To prove to myself that I can. To prove to others that it can be done. I wasn't miserable, by all means. I've done this before. Decided not to be a ranging drunk just because everone else is. It feelt good. I feelt in control. And whats more important I didn't drunk dial! When I came home I was thinking a lot about the guys in my life. Only two. I pretty much don't see the other as really in my life anymore. Actually I don't think any of them are really in my life, I just want them to be. But I started to get pissed off at one. I've been in school for a week. Has seen all of his friends, his roommates but no him. I would hate to think he didn't come back, but I really highly doubt thats even a possiblilty. So I don't really know whether I'm sad, angry, lonely or all three and more. I had a dream about 'the one' last night. I'm surprised I didn't cry in my sleep as doopey as that sounds. And now because of it I really want to tell him how I feel. Fuck the circumstances we are in and all that stuff. If I keep this inside any longer I'm definetly going to go crazy. Today is Friday. I have no class, not that much homework and I don't think I'm going to drink tonight either. I don't even think I'm going to go out.