Finally Employeed

I'm up at 1 am because I was so fatigued after work I slept from 6 to 9 o'clock. (periods suck!) My situations always seem to completely reverse on me. Now that formal guy is no longer in the picture and I'm no longer falling head over feet for him I've gone right back into the same feelings of dieing to be with the one person it seems like I will be pining for my entire life. Or at least till I get married, which probably wont happen. A couple of days ago I told a good friend that even though I go through these stages of hating him then loving him in the "loving stage", like right now, concerning his recent transformation, I would drop everything and be with him exactly how he wanted me to be. Even if in the end he didnt end up being with me forever I'd make those sacrifices that would seem minuet for the cause. And when I said it out loud I realized that I am absolutely sick. That maybe I need to be checked into a facility. I have to believe that there is good reason for the way things are between us. But I'm always undecided as to whether I should let things happen "naturally" or be aggressive and proactive and take matters into my own hands. Sometimes this middle grown isn't enough for me, as selfish and ungrateful as that sounds. I'd rather it be all or nothing. Well maybe not all or nothing . Maybe there is a slight chance that something could happen if he knew what I was willing to do, or NOT do in this case. But I'm not exactly sure I want him to hear those outlandish, reckless things come out of my mouth.

I finally started work on the 5th and I couldn't be happier. Well I guess I could if I had started working there a month ago, but at least I'm there now. Its a really fun job. My co-workers are the best, my bosses are cool and the work isn't hard. Its perfect.

A friend of mine recently got sentenced to 10 years in prison. I have been keeping contact with him since he first went to county jail last summer. I recieved a letter from him today and it brought a tear to my eye. Then later tonight when I was thinking about him and his situation, his brother and his late mother I started flat out crying. He had just turned 18 when he went to jail and the next time he'll be out he'll be 25ish or almost 30. He's basically all alone, and its just a sad situation.